Kanu Caplash

Mr. Horvath

Language Arts

25 October 2012

                                Congratulations! You are a newly minted swimmer. You now have a life other than school. Now you can go around telling everyone you are the next Michael Phelps. Also you should always brag when you win. Also definitely never show up at practice. Because never showing up to practice, bragging and saying you’re going to be next the next big thing will and many more things so you can become the best.

            Telling Everyone You Are the Next Big Thing: Firstly when you join the swim team, you should so go around telling everyone you are the best. Also, keep annoying everyone with it so there is no doubt in their minds that you are the best. Then you will so definitely get a ton of friends. It’s not like people will think you are a cad and hate you. Trust me, I know from experience. No, you definitely don’t get bullied around. Why would they bully you? You are the best. Also, if you look at the some of the fastest swimmers they too always go around telling everyone that they are the best. They don’t ever critique themselves and be modest. That would be the wrong thing to do. Also, when you get on the starting blocks you should say you are going to smoke everyone. You will definitely get a sportsmanship award. And you won’t get in trouble with the official. In fact, the officials will hug and pay you. No one will cry because their feelings are hurt. But when you lose we know who is going to be crying. So therefore you should always tell everyone you are the best.

           

Going to Practice: Secondly now that you are the best you should never show up at practice.  Also when they say practice makes perfect, they are lying. Did you know people like Ryan Lochte never practice? No, they definitely don’t practice 8 hours, or swim the length of the Nile River before breakfast.  The only people who do that are chumps or failures. Also at practice they don’t ever, and I mean they never teach something important. It isn’t like Michael Phelps trains for 14 hours a day. Also it isn’t like kids in China swim 11 miles as a warm-up.  They always just waste your time by making you swim laps. You can do that by yourself. Also if you do go to practice you probably will be the only one there because they also know that no one else goes to practice. So therefore as it is easily pointed out going to practice is a terrible idea, it will never help you.

           

Bragging: Thirdly, they also say bragging is their worst thing to do. Personally I think they were just horrendous at the sport and are lying to you. I think bragging is a great idea. This is because it really proves that you are the best. My friend who is the best swimmer in the state and he always brag when he wins. This is because he has enough energy to say he better than everyone else. But when you get second you should brag to the people that you beat. But you won’t get second if you don’t go to practice or tell everyone you are the best. Also that is what swimming is all about. It is all about beating people not improving your time.

Locker Rooms: Lastly, Locker rooms are the best place at a meet. This is because people are always allowed to fool around and do crazy things. In fact I know someone who wrote there name in AXE on a wall in the locker room. They so definitely didn’t get suspended from the team for two weeks. In fact this same person flushed someone’s underpants down the toilet. This person didn’t get in major trouble in fact he got an award. Also it is a great place for a person to hideout during practice. In this situation you also will get awarded. So by doing all this you will be able to miss more practices which will make you a better swimmer. Did you know that even the Olympians take AXE and spray it all over the locker room? So therefore by utilizing the locker rooms you will definitely become the best.

So if the newly minted swimmer follows these key things they will so defiantly become Olympians. You will only be able to get to the blocks of the Olympics by following these easy steps. Which are telling you everyone you have more potential than a child Michael Phelps, and by never bothering to go to swim practice and annoying everyone till they blow up, by bragging and by utilizing the locker rooms? So therefore with these easy steps you will become the next Michael Phelps at 14.